C. Napolitano


Too Much Coffee In Berlin

CBS is a proud sponsor of Whole Foods™

CBS is a proud sponsor of Whole Foods™

Rain rain go away come again another day,

Never mind, it’s too late, 

I already walked two miles in you on my way to work

and now I’m soaking wet at my desk you jabroni.

Rain reminds me of something, somewhere. I know a place where it rains all zee time. I know a place where it storms so often, the residents replace fall with a season called “Hurricane”. This place is filled will oranges. And by this place I mean Whole Foods™. The folks over at Whole Foods™ marketing department say distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I’ve put together a few things that my heart has grown fonder for besides a strong reliable Comcast™ wifi signal and Whole Foods™


Driving: I miss my gas-guzzling, unnecessarily large Range Rover™. Driving over express lane poles thinking, “I can save so much money if I trade this in for a Prius™” is an experience only found in Whole Foods™.

Weather: It feels unnatural walking to work and not being drenched in sweat. Layering in August? Psh, give me Sundek™ board shorts over that any day. 

Fast Food: I don’t eat it, but theres something reassuring seeing McDonalds™ light up the horizon every quarter of a mile.

Tipping: It confuses me to see an employer to pay fair wages. I should always have to compensate a restaurant owners frugality by adding 27% to the cost of my reasonably priced Nobu™ meal.

Lines: I miss being forced to wait to get into a bar. There’s something special that happens when everyone plays on cellphones for 20 minutes while waiting to get into Wood Tavern™ only to leave 30 minutes later.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I miss sarcasm™.