C. Napolitano


Somewhere Near Berlin

Ever been to Miami International Airport? No? Good. Always do everything in your power to fly through Fort Lauderdale, the Uber fare is worth it trust me.

I leave for Berlin today and there’s a solid twelve hours of traveling in front of me. Two of which will be spent sitting in a terminal that looks like it could be District 12 from the Hunger Games. That’s great news for you! Following up my pre-Berlin post, my second post will logically be en route to Berlin


01:15 - Got my ticket and checked my bags. Since I’m not flying with Bianca, I’ve been demoted to an economy seat. Bianca knows every person from every airline, so when we travel together she, AKA we, get hooked up. Not the case today. 

01:30 - It’s the guy from Shark Tank in the security line. He doesn’t recognize me though. I think his name is Marcus Lemon? He’s the one who started Fubu.

01:33 - A woman with a thick, hypnotic New Jersey accent screams, “THAT’S THE GUY FROM SHARK TANK!!”.

01:35 - He isn’t happy. But he takes pictures with her kids. She has a little dog who is peeing on the floor. Maybe because it’s excited since Shark Tank is the dogs favorite show. 

01:42 - At the gate. Will Check back in once I’ve gotten into my economy seat. 


02:05 - Bought an issue of The Economist. Where the hell are the pictures in this magazine? The advertisements don't even have pictures!

03:42 - Ahhh, 19A, hello window seat. Everyone on this plane looks like Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Dormer. 

04:30 - Airborne.

04:40 - The grande iced americano this morning wasn’t a wise choice. I already need a pee break, and isle seat is somehow already asleep. 

04:45 - Making a move to pee, wish me luck.

05:00 - Picked a bad time. Caught behind the drink cart. Or as they say in Germany, “Kart”.

05:05 - Back in my seat 20 minutes later. If I do that 27 more times and I’ll be in Berlin in no time!

05:30 - Do I really need to pee again? How soon can I bother her to get up? Whats the rule of thumb with this? Going to try and make it to 07:00.

05:31- Bought the Batman Begins trilogy on iTunes for the flight. Tried watching the first one and none of them work because iTunes. Thats some serious bullpoop right there. 

05:35 - DINNER TIME!!! Chicken or pasta? Going with the chicken because healthy and I feel like it’s less likely to make me pee.

06:06 - No lie, the chicken had 5 pieces the size of cheese cubes (a valid unit of measurement) and a pound of rice. That was a poor decision on my part and I still have to pee.

06:53 - Watching the second season of Mr Robot. My butt is sore.

??:?? - There’s a cute little girl sitting next to me. 100% sure she has farted at least 4 times.

07:30 - Touchdown. 


And remember, no matter how many Chanels you borrow, you will never, ever be a lady.